Havent blogged in here since 2007? woah

well now changes abound... I have started a new blog. into the blue... and what a different person I have become.

The Lord is My Salvation....

God is Truly Good! he does so much for me.. to guide me and give me strength.. All my meditations( they may have roots from somehwere else but all in all they help bring me closer to the My Almighty Lord and Saviour. My praying is because of the love I receive from him to give me constant reminders of his presence in my life...it encourages and enhances my Faith .

Its been a while since I have posted I will try to catch up here in the next few days.. much has transpired but I do have much the same..lol. so I shall get it all down asap

I have re-read much of this blog and determined it is a great way to express myself and my thoughts however I have not been absolutely true to myself in writing it.. I should not be concerned about sharing my thoughts on all topics.. I love My family and The Lord and all the goods and bads and in betweens that come along with that...and anyone that ever reads this.. other than me.. will either want to read it and not judge it or will find another space to read...

I am off to go make supper and take darling daughter to her practice...Until next time.. well most likely.. tomorrow morning..

Turning points in time...

Turning points.. I am not having a "positive"day.. I did some Matta meditation and tried to change my feelings however I seem to be still stuck.. Not sure of this cause it could because I am at war with my mind today.. I am not sleeping in any real pattern and if I were living my life and days solely for myself this would not be a concern.. however having a husband children animals and visitors etc.. this is a challenge that is overwhelming me today...I also am having a negative self image today..physically that is I feel Large and rotund..not svelte and slim..I had a visit with a holistic doctor yesterday that said I am not very toxic and that my fasting was a great thing etc I had an over all great appt.. BUT.. I guess I was looking for different answers to questions I did not know how to as perhaps?? I am taking in some Hot Lemon water along with my water fast now upon her suggestion just a hot lemon thrown in to a pot of boiling water for 10 mins and then drink or rather sip slowly.. this will aid in the swelling I have in my hands each morning I should have this in the morning and night...I am not losing weight rapidly.. as a matter of fact its slow going that way.. even though I do have 30 lbs to lose.. I was told that since I Have so much muscle mass ( from weight training for several years) and the fat I do have is marbled into it .. It will not be a quick process or an instant fix.. I knew this however I did not like hearing it.. tis human nature I suppose. Inch by inch life's a cinch?? yes.. mantra that one today !! big time...on to the day.. its at least half over...

I am tired and cranky of which I have to shake off before the kids get home.. oldest son is here for a week visitng..IT is wonderful to see him! the children are loving seeing their oldest sibling!
Hubby is home ,he is tired too and it was his birthday yesterday...Happy birthday baby!! he is a great man!I appreciate him immensely..he gave me such a lovely compliment yesterday.. He said that when he walked in the door I looked like I did the first moment he met me.. awwww( that was nearlly 10 years ago). now that is some sweet to hear.. I suppose I am looking a bit younger however i want very much to be thinner and healthier as well.
I am going to go for a walk this evenign.. I am very physically tired though today.. perhaps just as much mentally but I can shake it off however I feel that I am to learn something from this so I am unsure if I should try to supress it?

Its afternoon and I am hoping that tomorrow brings sunshine and happiness.

The ball gets a rollin... The bouncy ball of life that it is...

Sept 6th.. The first day back to school for the kiddos.The kids got off to school with no problems.. Oldest son living at home drove youngest to school.they all looked soo cute!!! I cut youngests hair last night..well her bangs and she looks so much older! she has such lovely long hair..and big blue eyes. my goodness she is soo pretty.. Oldest daughter looked very poised and posh this morning as well.. stylish I would even have to say.. I was a proud mama.. Son did not get any new clothes as yet but he was clean and ready and really needs to focus on his education and getting thru his highschool journey..A whole nother kettle of fish I will no doubt express on here at some point in the next few weeks. he is going to be 18 in Dec and is doing grade 10/11 still.if he does not do well and keeps giving nothing.. he will have to go to the evening classes instead and get his G.E.D instead.. its a struggle to decide what is best for him though and I care not if he gets it thru that program or regular highschool experience It matters ONLY that he gets it and has the option to further his education when he has the desire...
I was busy so much so yesterday I did not have much computer time.. we did last day shopping and prep.
It was a fairly uneventful day.. I am hungry but that is the old me rearing itself.. Hungry cos i eat to medicate.. NO MORE.

I am getting the house all nice and cleaned up and sparkly cos today Hubby and oldest son ( who is visiting us for a week) is coming home this afternoon. so chores and getting birthday dinner on the go for hubby its his 49th today...and just over all stuffs...

I am going to have to make some commitments to myself though with him being home.. to still do for me. He does tempt me with foods and such.. not purposefully to hurt my progress but because he is used to the old pattern.. Rewarding me with food.. like pavlovs dogs.. YIKES...
I will write that down on a sticky note to remind myself when I am bored and "mentally"hungry!!!

I am struggling with the Ex BestFriend situation.. We have chatted on line and then on the phone and I saw her at the store when I was shopping and she invited me to Cuba in October.. her treat.( but I of course have to babsit and go bacwards in the strides I am making within myself).. I don't want to go backwards and get into that self destructive pattern. Where I feel like I am giving up everything to help or assist everyone else and I am not getting what I wish for out of it or what I am deserving of. I have to find that myself for myself. However I am not eager to have to tell her this... I did not mind chatting on the phone every so often especially if it meant the kids could still connect and I could see the baby.. but perhaps I will have to make a complete break?? That will hurt ;however Life is not always easy..and in living fully we have to feel it fully. don't we?

I just should have stayed stronger and not tried to be the nice complacent person I know I am often... sigh.. More pondering on how to handle or rather present it to her to do ahead of me I can see...I mentinoned I miss her but I think it is mostly because she was my only friend that I spent time with ... I was isolated...and I allowed myself to be so...I have to dig deeper to get out there...

On to do my day... I so hope that I feel better after doing some acitivity because I am feeling saddended and drained after sharing these thoughts..

I need a hug!

I can't fight this feeling anymore....

I feel great today..I feel excited today..I slept so little but when I did it was sound.. so I am ready for it all.. Fight the Good fight... I can do this.. day4 of my water fast...I have had nothing but the water for several days now and I am starting to see some changes in my body..not much very slight not sure if anyone would notice if they saw me...however I can feel it internally as well. My only complaint is my elbow joints.. I have tennis elbow according to my PCP and I in the last 3 months have had days that are excruciating in the pain dept( of which I don't always mention incase your wondering why I have not mentioned it before LOL.. I try to not complain about my physicalities because there is so much true suffering in the world that my own aches and pains often pale in comparison when I think of the broader spectrum). but today is just on the irritating list not sure what I did to activate them but I hope that an epsom bath will relieve this later.
detox symptoms are minimal now... and I am odorless and such when I use the Loo.. also I am going to do an enema today as I have a bit of "sensation" in my back and upper right shoulder.twinges... lol.. pressure. I could really use a massage but that is not in my budget.
I will meditate after I write in my blog and then go to finish some school shopping for my youngest . Get my house cleaned up and more bed linens washed and changed.

I am starting to pick stuffs up at the bulk store to replenish my low low stores of goodies to make vegan/raw goodies for the kids to take to school... I feel it is very important to have them carry things that are compact and easy to consume as well as being great for their minds and body. yummy brain foods for growing bodies. I have found some terrific new recipes onlinea nd will give them a whirl.

About the boys: well they are Thriving in south carolina( over 1000 miles away) I know it has only been a few days in total that they have been gone but by their voices and pictures I have seen so far...they are soo happy to be there.. I am so happy for them I try to channel all my love and positive energy I can to them when I meditate and hope they can feel my love...

household stuffs.. my fav mirror that hung in the hall to the kitchen that faced out to where you could see the front door and let the light hit it was knocked off the wall and fallen to the floor.. I loved it.. I hope to find a piece of glass to reinsert into it and rehang it very soon...accidents happen.. ( oldest teen boy and youngest daughter altercation lol going towards and coming out of the Loo is what brought this about )so that space looks soo empty..sniffle.sniffle. I don't like empty walls for some reason.. I am very Fill every space ind of person.. I love Decor.. I adore Historical Decor and Flowers,Cabbage roses do it for me as well.I have a thing for textiles as I have mentioned before and when I am working I will be attending some of the great auctions they have here on the island for anitque furniture...dark cherries and claw feet tables armoires etecheres my goodness I am drooling... lol... I will start that quilt at some point today:)

Off to go and do that which needs to be done....smiles

http://oakwoodgrafix.co.uk/blog/Articles/MyMotherMyAngel_LM.html

This sight was moving.. as is her story ....also the womens corner is a great place to read as well..

The flower is a peony from my garden from the old house I took this in july and sigh I miss my garden.. but I shall be making a small one here in the spring.. I hope to plant bulbs this early fall for a patterned flower burst.. it should be spectacular..perhaps I can put up photos next spring....